Scary Steps, But Forward, Or Back?

Today, or rather yesterday, marks a new beginning for me. A rather scary new step has been taken. I accepted and started a new job. I fear this may be why I cannot sleep tonight, although I very much need to.

This job, while it will secure the roof over my head, it will make my health deteriorate, and I will not be able to make ends meet. Suddenly those episodes of paranoia where I believed the government were trying to kill me don’t seem so paranoid. I am determined to try and make it work somehow. I don’t know how, but it has to. As a victim of the dreadful bedroom tax, I do not have any choice. And the fact that a very old friend of mine stuck her neck out on the line to help me out and get me this job makes me all the more determined to make it work.

But while in one respect, a very big weight has lifted off of my shoulders, in another respect, another has taken it’s place. These are scary times we live in, and there is much to be afraid of. I know that somehow, I have no idea how, but somehow, it is time for me to focus my efforts on what I know I am good at, so that I may make positive life achievements through these, in hope that they will reflect positively on my life, so that things may get better for me, and I may struggle less, physically, mentally, and certainly financially.

I’m keeping this short and sweet as I need to sleep.

H x


Normality Exists!

I am on the road to recovery! It may be temporary recovery, but it’s recovery all the same. Brilliant. Finally I am starting to feel a little bit like the Holly we all know and love. Well, some of us know and love anyway. Just like anyone else I have people that really don’t like me that much. Some of it justified, most of it, not.┬áRegardless, normality, whatever that means, is almost here.

Strangely though, I do believe that normal exists! (Insert all the ‘she’s nuts, she just as good as asked what normal is’ comments here.) I know, I know it doesn’t really make sense. However, I do still believe in normality.

You see, in my humble opinion, I see that normality is an individual thing. What is normal to me, might be completely abnormal to you. It’s all about perspective.

For instance, my highs and my lows are actually normal to me. It’s something that I’ve lived for most of my life. Since I was a teenager in fact. The I have a separate kind of normal in between those highs and lows, where I experience my life on a level, with normal reactions to hardships, normal reactions to joyful situations, normal reactions to everyday things in everyday life.

My normal life, consists of studying, writing, raising my kids and guiding them so that they can become the people they can be, the teaching of dealing with mental illness so that they understand that sometimes mum isn’t well, and trying to be the best partner I can be.

Normal for some people, is going out, working a 60 hour work week, with no social life. Normal for other people consists of travelling the world, or living their dreams on screen for the world to see, or being on the road touring with a band. Normal for some means putting on their leathers, jumping on a motorcycle and riding for hours to escape the stress of everyday life, or building racing cars to take out on a track and smash to pieces, or spending all day everyday in the pub drinking their body weight in alcohol.

It is absolutely a matter of perspective, and unfortunately too few people realise this, and expect every to conform the the normal stereotype. It gives me a fear of people losing their individuality.

I know only one other person that it like me, and each of my children, while so alike in some ways, are complete opposites in other ways. I love that about them. It’s the best way to be in my eyes.

So, when people talk about normality, think about what is normal for you, and forget other people’s view of normal. We were made to be individual after all.

Took a sleeping tablet and I can feel it kicking in now so tata for now.

H x